Is a dom a dom without a sub? Can one truely exist without the other? Yes, you can control your environment, and those that move around you, but surely only a sub can allow you to be free?

Doms falling in lurve with their subs? Really? You’d think we had more control than that. However love is a fickle mistress, and no one can pretend to understand her workings.

‘He arrived at an inconvenient time, I was hiding in a room in my mind’ – thank you Ms Bush – very apt.

I was in a vulnerable place, and up he popped, so to speak, my perfect sub – the ideal masochist to my sadism. We both fulfilled the need in each other. He encouraged me to bring out my dominance, let it prowl free – not hide away anymore, it was right, it was me.

The advantage was his;  he had always known his place in the world – he was a sub, a maid, a slave and always had been, and I, in turn, encouraged that, never judged him, or thought him any less of a man.

However, one thing came between us –  his other mistress – the Cosa Nostra. That bastard, bitch of an underworld queen, that shit dealing cunt, the gutter slut of Sicily, the one thing I couldn’t control.

Twenty five years, twenty five fucking years; that’s how long he got – for following orders, for following the wishes of his Sicilian papa. For doing someone elses dirty work, and for avenging the rape of his sister. Twenty five fucking years stuck in an Italian jail cell.

I’ve started cutting again – the need to control, the need to hurt, watching the trail down my arm, down my thigh, running steadily, red against white, handprints on tiles, a footprint on the floor.

I watch those around me, moving forward, changing, growing stronger, more confident in their abilities and desires, and I envy them, a life to live.